an explanation

I'm sorry if I frightened anyone. A couple of days after I last posted, I went back and read it. I was dismayed at how depressed it sounded when, in truth, I was doing pretty well when I wrote it. It was a reflection on what had been going on over the past couple of months. It just so happened that I had been meaning to put that piece of art up and then it fell over top of those two songs that I can't get out of my head. Did they encapsulate how I felt? Yes. Do they still? To a degree.

It's been several weeks now, but I let myself be robbed. I didn't know it at the time, but I had become bitter and angry towards God because things in my life weren't happening how I thought they were going to. I harbored those feelings and it started me on a gentle slide towards depression. My joy in obedience and in the freedom granted me had been taken, more accurately, I had tossed it aside. I did not identify it for what it was at the time, but God rescued me from falling into the warmth of that darkness that I have wallowed in before. I can now recognize it for what it was/is. I feel like I'm on the upward slope again.

I'm typical eloquence is gone. My thoughts are mercuric at best - I can't hold on to one long enough to really write anything. It has taken me 45 minutes just to get this out. Obviously, I'm still processing.

Sometimes deconstruction is a gentle process of removal and sometimes it occurs at the business end of a sledge hammer but rest assured deconstruction always occurs so that something else can be raised anew.