suburban delusions
Oh suburbia, a place of neighborhood soccer teams, late summer evenings conversing with neighbors on the street, impromptu football games, church on Sunday, neatly kept yards, etc, etc. We all know it and most of us grew up in it. I can not complain about my years before college. Growing up, I had kids my age in every house on my street. I had a great series of schools that gave me amazing opportunities to learn and explore. I also grew up in a great church that had a thriving youth ministry. All that being said, I have run from it ever since.
I am astounded at the false veils that people surround themselves with in their homogeneous enclaves. Not only do they live in the same homes (six, maybe seven different plans, flipped and mirrored, painted different colors with different front porches) on the exact same size lots (down to the square inch) and drive the same cars (though the Camry and Accord aren't the same family cars they used to be) to do the same things, but they all have the same responses too:
"Howdy neighbor."
"Afternoon."
"How's it going?"
"Great, everything's great." though my family's falling apart, I'm 30 grand in debt, and my dog has fleas
The masks are important though because they maintain distance. In a place where most people live about 20 feet apart, they might as well be miles. No one asks the hard questions or confronts anyone else about their mask in case the questions get turned around. No one really wants to know about anything outside their private realm anyway. That white picket fence might as well be a crenelated stone wall 25 feet high or that front porch and door the blast-door into a bomb shelter. World issues are viewed through the filter and sanitation of the 50" plasma tv while someone truly in need might be someone they happen to see once a month when they go help out at a soup kitchen (as long as their team isn't playing on tv that weekend, then again, they ordered the football package this season).
I have never been truly starving nor have I ever had to sleep on the streets before and I'm sure that I just made enough vast generalizations that if anyone were to actually read this thing that there would be a bounty of comments, but this is why I run from suburbia. It is not just a place, it is a mentality - a mindset devoted to comfort above all else. And as I observe each day, it is obvious that the mere sight of someone in need or the aroma of the street wafting into our general vicinity grips that comfort by the throat and squeezes.
I wish I could shout, scream, carry a huge neon sign that they are people too. Al, Robbie, and the thousands like them are people damn it. They are no less than you or I, but they are certainly more. Their eyes are open - they see humanity and people for who they are. They don't care about what car you drive or where you live, what school you went to, or how much is in your 401(k). They are adept at seeing people's hearts though. Within seconds, they know exactly what kind of person you are - some take advantage of this knowledge while others just observe. For people who live under the auspices of bruised rainbows and dieing stars, you'd be amazed at what a heart-felt smile can do. The simple acknowledgment returns dignity and a sense of self. Imagine if you actually stopped and reached out a hand and struck up a conversation, but beware, Comfort will be there blinding you with "Oh, everything's great."
I am astounded at the false veils that people surround themselves with in their homogeneous enclaves. Not only do they live in the same homes (six, maybe seven different plans, flipped and mirrored, painted different colors with different front porches) on the exact same size lots (down to the square inch) and drive the same cars (though the Camry and Accord aren't the same family cars they used to be) to do the same things, but they all have the same responses too:
"Howdy neighbor."
"Afternoon."
"How's it going?"
"Great, everything's great." though my family's falling apart, I'm 30 grand in debt, and my dog has fleas
The masks are important though because they maintain distance. In a place where most people live about 20 feet apart, they might as well be miles. No one asks the hard questions or confronts anyone else about their mask in case the questions get turned around. No one really wants to know about anything outside their private realm anyway. That white picket fence might as well be a crenelated stone wall 25 feet high or that front porch and door the blast-door into a bomb shelter. World issues are viewed through the filter and sanitation of the 50" plasma tv while someone truly in need might be someone they happen to see once a month when they go help out at a soup kitchen (as long as their team isn't playing on tv that weekend, then again, they ordered the football package this season).
I have never been truly starving nor have I ever had to sleep on the streets before and I'm sure that I just made enough vast generalizations that if anyone were to actually read this thing that there would be a bounty of comments, but this is why I run from suburbia. It is not just a place, it is a mentality - a mindset devoted to comfort above all else. And as I observe each day, it is obvious that the mere sight of someone in need or the aroma of the street wafting into our general vicinity grips that comfort by the throat and squeezes.
I wish I could shout, scream, carry a huge neon sign that they are people too. Al, Robbie, and the thousands like them are people damn it. They are no less than you or I, but they are certainly more. Their eyes are open - they see humanity and people for who they are. They don't care about what car you drive or where you live, what school you went to, or how much is in your 401(k). They are adept at seeing people's hearts though. Within seconds, they know exactly what kind of person you are - some take advantage of this knowledge while others just observe. For people who live under the auspices of bruised rainbows and dieing stars, you'd be amazed at what a heart-felt smile can do. The simple acknowledgment returns dignity and a sense of self. Imagine if you actually stopped and reached out a hand and struck up a conversation, but beware, Comfort will be there blinding you with "Oh, everything's great."
posted by Sojourner at 10:44 PM
2 Comments:
I don't know Al or Robbie, but I know a couple Als and Robbies. There are a few that come to our church, mostly for the food afterwards, but certainly not only so. I think there is a slight sense of belonging, of recognition from a reputable community that boosts their self esteem. I recently realized how differently I relate to them than I would a more traditional visitor- with them I feel like all I want to do is get to know them and hear their stories so that I can help them, but realized that I should open myself up to them so much more and treat ourselves like the equals we are. It's a little awkward for me opening up to them as if sharing with a friend, but I know trust has to be built mutually... I'm not good at it or at sacrificing time spent with more comfortable friends... There are two in particular:
John is a poor middle aged black man with an affinity for making awkward physical contact when talking. His grandmother recently was one of the latest victims of being evicted from the Grant Park area as property taxes and rents rise, so he is going to have to move to Clayton County (the most ghetto Atlanta suburb) with his mother and leave the area he grew up in. He asked me for money after church the first couple week I met him, but since (over a year) has only asked me for money once- I think he is ashamed to ask for money and wants to be treated like an equal...
The other is Kelly. He is a middle aged white man with severe mental problems: hallucinations, schizophrenia, alcohol abuse, social problems, etc. He is the unloved among the unloved. We spoke for about 10 minutes last Sunday and he was brutally honest: He said he came for the food (even though he came for the whole service) and thanked me for talking to him as it made him feel included, he asked me for money without any qualms, he told about things he learned in AA. He spoke quietly and would randomly start telling stories of high school friends as if I knew them- it was hard to follow and I tried my best. But at the end when he sincerely told me how much it meant to him for me to take the time to talk to him, it made me feel about an inch tall: How could I justify not taking 10 minutes to talk to someone who was so appreciative, so longing for connection and affirmation? It is rare to find someone so appreciative, but that certainly should not be our sole motivation though it does help sometimes...
I have heard too many people, Christians, say that they can't give to those who won't make good use of what they are given. It simultaneously makes me mad and yet also is convicting to know that most of the time I do the same. The Lord speaks so much in the gospels about caring for the unloved: the widows, orphans, the poor, the outcasts and he showed the example of how to do that. Never is that qualified with "If they are deserving". It is true that there is much mention of being a good steward, but that is a command to us, the Christians, not a factor by which we should judge others...
It is sad to me that many of the more founded Christian churches know so little about care for the unloved while more often those churches that do care for the unloved often do so under the motivation of some degree of Liberation Theology: That our primary purpose as Christians is one of social justice rather than spiritual transformation. How does the suburb, facade-filled church become actively involved in the transformation of its community, starting with the unloved?
I made a comment earlier about the monthly soup kitchen visit, but this is probably one of the best starts. There really isn't a need to start a new program (and don't we know how much we as Christians love our programs) or start from scratch. It takes a car and a willing person because your first step is to leave the 'burbs.
Depending on what one you live in, you might run into someone in need while getting your groceries, but I doubt it. Carpool with people and save money and gas getting to a more central location. There are so many ministries that need help it is ridiculous. The churches have fled most cities and if they're really apart of the Church then they should go where the needs are. Our "gentile women, tax collectors, blind, lepers, hungery, thirsty, and naked" are the homeless, the uncared-for handicapped, drug addicts and emotionally broken. There are plenty of people that fall into these categories in suburbia, but they're much harder to recognize because they wear the mask too well. The more time you spend with those whose needs are obvious, the easier it becomes to recognize those hidden around us and minister to them as well.
I know it might seem a bit fanatical to continue to push leaving suburbia, but it will also help to leave the habits and preconcieved ideas behind. You touched on the "unloved" - the topic of the Church forgetting how and whom to love is probably an upcoming subject as well. Somewhere along the lines we've inverted a commandment or two - I'll love me first, then you. Or I have to get to the point where I can love myself so that I can love others. God commanded us to love others first so that we'll know how to love ourselves.
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